an interview, an offer, and a letdown

About a month ago, I had had it. I wanted to move back home. And despite the fact that Tyler has a great job here in Upstate New York, I was ready to leave.

You see, I am tired. I am tired of being alone, and doing things the hard way. I not only want support from my family, but I need it. I need to be able to call someone when I need help. I need to be able to go on a date with my husband. I need to be able to celebrate and laugh with the people I love, the people my children love. I am tired of being away.

Then all of a sudden I realized that I had a degree, I had earning potential, and I could get us home. And just like that I was daydreaming up a storm. I was planning lessons and reading books about literacy. I was back in the game and so excited for a new chapter to begin. For the first time in a long time, I was bursting with possibilities and that felt so good.

I filled out my application. Requested letters of recommendation. Wrote a cover letter. And I handed over my dream, waiting in anticipation for a call; hoping that I could interview while we were home for a visit.

We were suppose to be going home for a visit. Not home to stay. But the excitement of staying was alive and well and there was nothing holding me back. I was going to get this job, I was going to bring us home.

My interview went well, my references were called, and an hour later I was handed a job offer. My dream job. I would teach literacy intervention at a school just up the street from my in-laws. The principle was so nice and right off the bat I felt like it was the perfect fit. Everything fell into place so easily.

Except for the money. When the budgets were made and the numbers were crunched, I could not possibly support our family. Not even if we lived with relatives. Not even if I kept this blogging thing going on the side. We thought we could make it work. I thought that I could make it work. But our children come first, paying for medical bills and care comes first.

Sometimes being an adult is really hard. Sometimes decisions have to be made and dreams have to be set aside. I miss teaching. I miss making children feel so good about themselves. I miss the energy that lives in a classroom.

With tears running down my face, I had to decline. I had to put money first because sometimes money is important even when we wish it weren't.

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