no apologies

I have always been a people pleaser. I was the student who would answer questions in class even if they were wrong just so the teacher would know someone was listening. I am empathetic, considerate, and always thinking of different points of views. And, I apologize for most everything.

But on this trip home, I did not apologize for my tears. Matilda has amplified every aspect of my life - tears included - and I love it. I appreciate that I am able to feel such strong emotions when I see her smile, or go down a slide, or walk into a church for the first time. And I think it's okay if that makes other people feel uncomfortable. I don't want to stifle my reaction because people might think something is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is perfect. Sometimes I cry.

Maybe it has to do with getting older and feeling more confident. Or, maybe enduring Matilda's 72 day hospital stay - where most moments felt like they could be the last - brought a different kind of light into my life. A light where living and feeling is far more important than being comfortable.

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