an er visit

I have mentioned before that Matilda has endured twice the number of ER visits as the rest of us combined. All in her little lifetime. We tend to all pack up and go as a family, but this time it was minutes from bedtime and I felt like it would feel less chaotic if I took her by myself.

She had another allergic reaction to eggs and this time her tongue was swelling up fast. A dose of Benadryl, her nightly medications, and we were out the door. Parker stood in the doorway crying because he wanted to come.

In between driving, checking on Matilda, and trying to get her to talk – I prayed. I have had countless moments like this with Matilda, but that feeling of helplessness always seems so surprising and new.

They checked us in right away despite the busy waiting area and started a breathing treatment on her first thing. The doctor later told me that she knew I was the leading expert in the room the second she walked in – "Mothers like you are always so collected and know exactly what to tell us."

Matilda was really quiet and cooperative. Her lisp was getting worse by the minute, and then everything kicked in all at the same time – the epinephrine, prednisolone, and albuterol in the breathing treatment. She began bouncing up and down, climbing the back of the bed only to slide down the incline, and shouting that she wanted to go home. She ripped her monitors off and fought with me for a good while before I remembered I had tucked the iPad in my bag on the way out the door. It only kept her attention for five minutes at a time, but those five minutes would give me a moment to regroup and catch my breath.

We were there for almost four hours and all I could think about (after her allergic reaction was under control, of course) was that Matilda's upcoming surgery is not going to be easy. In fact, I imagine it will be quite exhausting physically and mentally.

Matilda fell asleep on the way home. As I carried her in the house, she felt so tiny in my arms. I opened the door and there was Parker in his sleeping bag, sound asleep on the living room floor with Matilda's sleeping bag, pillow, and doll ready for her return. He tried so hard to stay up, to make sure she was okay, and to surprise her with a camp out when she returned. He is the best brother and she is so lucky to have him.

Matilda's upcoming surgery is scheduled for June 15th, which seems so soon! I am already an emotional mess, so please keep us both in your thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks.

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