Sometimes moving forward means facing the past.

Shortly before Matilda was born I got a traffic ticket. It was my first ticket. It was for "not making a complete stop at a yield to pedestrians". I was disappointed because I had convinced myself I would never get a ticket. My plan was to file for a reduction so I called the office and explained that I was about to have a baby and asked for an extension of the reduction process.

Then Matilda was born and shortly after that we were in NYC. And we stayed in NYC for the next 4 months. Needless to say, I had other things on my mind and forgot about the ticket.

I am not an expert on how these things work, but I would have appreciated some kind of reminder or warning in the mail. It wasn't until Saturday, May 18th that I received a letter letting me know that my license was being suspended.

At first I was in denial, then I got upset, and after a bit of sulking I began to really worry. I called first thing on Monday and spoke with the clerk. She said I would have to come to court and speak with the judge. All of this over a dumb ticket that I could have just paid in the first place.

On Tuesday I went in just like the clerk instructed. I was sick to my stomach. I had some documents that proved we were in NYC for my daughter's transplant, my Montana driver's record which has nothing on it, and the letter from the DMV stating that my license was being revoked. I went in, sat down, and waited for my turn. Case after case was tried, and it was becoming clear to me that I would not win. I did not even know the name of the street I had been driving on. I did not stop completely. I slowed down to an almost stop while pedestrians crossed and increased my speed before they had completely exited the road. BUT I will say, the road was really wide and the two adult pedestrians were closer than five feet from the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street. No one was in danger. Either way, I knew I would not win.

I waited and waited and waited for my turn. Then the judge announced they were going to take a lunch break and resume in an hour. I started to panic. What would happen if they suspended my license? We only have one car and I had it with me. Who would come and pick me up? What would we do? Then when I felt like I was going to lose it right there in the court room, they called my name.

We talked in whispers. And then I left. It was all taken care of.

Thank goodness, people really are nice. As much as it felt like the world stopped when Matilda got sick, it didn't. We still had bills to pay. We still had life happening around us. It has been a difficult road trying to pick up all the pieces. My ego has been damaged while watching my more than perfect credit score diminish with countless letters from collections. Some bills from the hospital were sent to collections while we were still in the hospital. But one phone call at a time, one explanation at a time, I am slowly picking up the pieces. And for the most part, people have been amazing and nice. Not everyone, but most.

I am glad to have this behind me. I am thankful for kind hearts. I will continue to move forward.

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