oh matilda

Oh Matilda, you were unexpectedly sick all day yesterday. You woke in the middle of the night and were acting so happy. You kept kissing my arm. And then Papa noticed that you felt warm. And sure enough, you had a fever. It was 101.8, which isn't too high, but high enough that I couldn't really sleep the rest of the night. I kept putting a washcloth on your head, and you kept putting it on Papa's face. You make me laugh even in the earliest hours. I am so thankful to have you.

I have been so emotional this month. Everything is so quickly leading up to the date of your transplant and that day makes my heart race and my tears drip down. I love you so much. I feel like I have taught you nothing about life, and instead you have taught me everything. The thought of you not in my arms right now sinks a deep hole in my stomach. I am so thankful to have you.

Your fever never got worse. It lingered all day, enough to make me feel uneasy, but never enough to call the transplant team. You wanted me to hold you and make you laugh. But mostly just hold you. You are the sweetest baby I have ever known, and I am so thankful to have you.

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