not my week

Let me tell you. This was not my week. I had a dozen goals to accomplish including finishing up my Christmas shopping, deciding on and making an advent calendar, revamping an old nativity set, taking Christmas card photos, finishing up a class, and tying loose ends. Oh, and finding and sending a birthday present to my mother-in-law. Only one of those things have been ticked off my list. Only one.

You see, I was trying to get ahead because Tyler is leaving for a week on Sunday and I am not looking forward to it. I am not good at being alone. My imagination always gets the better of me and I end up stressing out and getting spooked over every sound. And the responsibility of being the sole caregiver of two very demanding youngsters for 170 hours overwhelms me.

Yet, instead of getting ahead, I somehow ended up behind.

Parker and I are one and the same, so when I get stressed he feels it and we feed off of each other until we are both in a heap of tears over every little thing. Just on cue, Matilda has three new teeth poking through. So she had been a joy, crying for hours during the day and staying up most of the night. And to top things off, I came down with a cold.

I just want to slow down and enjoy doing the things on my list. That is why they are there, because that is what I enjoy doing. But the month is only so long, and Christmas will be here before I know it.  I always have such dreams of this life I am capable of leading if I could just get more organized. If I could have an afternoon to plan things out and write things down. I guess that is the trick to life. That elusive afternoon is always a mirage.

I know that without my children driving me crazy, I would be a horrible mess and crazy in a different sense. I love them. My new hope for next week is to stop thinking of it as "surviving" and start enjoying. They are my gift.

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