what obesity looks like

If you have been following along with me on Facebook, then you know I have been challenging myself to run a 5k a day for 30 days. I ran in the rain, I ran in the heat, I ran when I had a horrible cold. I ran when I was tired, when I was hungry, and when I felt the best ever. But what you may not know is that I have been battling obesity since I was 15.

Yep. You heard me. Obesity. I am obese. Or at least that is what I was told as a 15 year old sitting in health class learning about the Body Mass Index. And it has been haunting me ever since.

Over the last 15 years I have gained weight, I have lost weight, but I have never been in the "normal" range for my BMI. At just over 5' tall, according to my BMI, I should weigh 115 lbs and I most often weigh 150 lbs.

So when I turned 29, I said that enough was enough. It was unacceptable to be so fat, to be obese. And I spent the year dieting and working out nearly every single day. We didn't have a scale in our home, but at one point I got on the wii fit board and for the first time ever my little person shrank in size and congratulated me for losing 20-some pounds. I was ecstatic. I texted my best friend. But two days later I checked again, and my little wii person blew up like a balloon. It was broken. I had lost some weight, but not enough.

But you guys, if I am obese, then I give up. If you look at me and see obesity, then I give up. Because I don't feel obese. I don't even think I look obese. I eat 1200 calories a day. I run a 5k at least 5 times a week. I don't indulge often. I don't drink often. I am a healthy 30 year old, who happens to be considered obese because of some random scale created by THE MAN who knows how long ago.

I am tired of this number haunting me. I am tired of feeling great and then deciding I am not. I am tired. My birthday was a let down. It was the last day of my #run30 challenge and I got on the scale to find out that I gained three pounds. I was back to where I started two months ago, where I always am. I felt like a failure and it ruined my day.

I am a confident woman. I am a go-getter. I get stuff done. I fight when fighting is necessary. I stand tall. I am a proud mother. I like to wear flowered leggings. And I like to dance like no one can see me. So my new challenge is one of acceptance and peace. Of running to feel the wind in my face. Of wearing clothes that show off my personality. Of eating good food to nurture my body.

It is not going to be easy. But whoever said anything I put my mind to has ever been easy. And I would rather work on changing the reflection of myself in my mind's eye than the reflection in the mirror. Because in all honestly the reflection in my mirror doesn't look half bad.

P.S. My birthday was Sunday. We decided to go for a drive and ended up on a rainy Wellesley Island. We finished up the day with some cake.

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